tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28543016.post114840559984846928..comments2023-02-22T15:25:49.230+05:30Comments on Lalayit: cheekhaviralhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13142769262420420041noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28543016.post-21188069579965684682009-03-23T13:49:00.000+05:302009-03-23T13:49:00.000+05:30jahan na pahuche ravi wahan pahuche avi is what i ...jahan na pahuche ravi wahan pahuche avi is what i have got to say after reading your short poetries awesome display of talent and imagination for sure.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08284851391472768773noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28543016.post-1149144887573327652006-06-01T12:24:00.000+05:302006-06-01T12:24:00.000+05:30"aaj phir lafzo mein geet hain,par tumhe phursat h..."aaj phir lafzo mein geet hain,<BR/>par tumhe phursat hai bhi aur nahi bhi<BR/>aaj phir saanse chal padi hain,<BR/>par zindagi ko zaroorat hai bhi aur nahi bhi<BR/>aaj phir tumhe aawaaz dene ko dil karta hai,<BR/>par dhadkan cheekh paati hai bhi aur nahi bhi<BR/>aaj phir bachpan chhoota hai,<BR/>par rona aata hai bhi aur nahi bhi"<BR/><BR/>Bahut badhiya bann pada hai...par last ke 2 lines 'dhadkan' aur 'bachpan' waali zara si off the mark hain. Again, a central theme is of utmost importance..! <BR/><BR/>"kaun jaane,<BR/>kal phir se adhar hilenge,<BR/>par geet bane na bane<BR/>kal phir maut se mohlat milegi,<BR/>par jeene ki wajah mile na mile<BR/>kal phir tum sunna chahoge,<BR/>par jubaan khule na khule<BR/>kal phir aanso beh niklenge,<BR/>par bachpana rahe na rahe.."<BR/><BR/>Reciprocal entry and the overall idea is good but u made ur point in the first para itself...aur ismein bhi, last ki 2 lines theme se baahar ja rahin hain. <BR/><BR/>"pyaasi zubaan pe lahu ki ek dhaar<BR/>nange pairo pe kaanto wali taar<BR/><BR/>bechaara taar, pyaasi zubaan ki takleef na dekh paaya.."<BR/><BR/>BECHAARA taar....ya BECHAARI Taar..? Do u mean, telegram waala taar..? Zara sa confusion hai yahaan..samjhaayein please.Varunhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14930531217889039861noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28543016.post-1148823884491328372006-05-28T19:14:00.001+05:302006-05-28T19:14:00.001+05:30"kabhi koi kuch suna jata haidil ke zakhmo ko phir..."kabhi koi kuch suna jata hai<BR/>dil ke zakhmo ko phir cher jata hai<BR/>aapki sayari de rahi gawai<BR/>tumko bhi dard zuba de jata hai"<BR/><BR/>aapke likhne ka intezaar rahegaaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28543016.post-1148823879456951272006-05-28T19:14:00.000+05:302006-05-28T19:14:00.000+05:30"kabhi koi kuch suna jata haidil ke zakhmo ko phir..."kabhi koi kuch suna jata hai<BR/>dil ke zakhmo ko phir cher jata hai<BR/>aapki sayari de rahi gawai<BR/>tumko bhi dard zuba de jata hai"<BR/><BR/>aapke likhne ka intezaar rahegaaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28543016.post-1148460935469764222006-05-24T14:25:00.000+05:302006-05-24T14:25:00.000+05:30after getting so many comments u mst have got a fa...after getting so many comments u mst have got a fair idea as to how good ur creation is..so now u n nimish can complement each other well...<BR/>and we can expect something our way almost every fortnight from u two...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28543016.post-1148448308380034692006-05-24T10:55:00.000+05:302006-05-24T10:55:00.000+05:30Hey buddy..!!Very well written ..and if you want t...Hey buddy..!!<BR/>Very well written ..and if you want to say this your first attemp ..it's par excellence...<BR/>Write more..and this way u'll be able to inspire few more...<BR/><BR/>Bst of luck..<BR/>-Ajay SaxenaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28543016.post-1148444346369485032006-05-24T09:49:00.000+05:302006-05-24T09:49:00.000+05:30aacha likha hai tune...nice one..wud rather like t...aacha likha hai tune...nice one..wud rather like to say that it was awesome...<BR/><BR/>likhte raho...<BR/><BR/>cheers,<BR/>RavishRavishhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03493009984727341116noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28543016.post-1148443546634065692006-05-24T09:35:00.000+05:302006-05-24T09:35:00.000+05:30great minds at work....thats all i have to say...k...great minds at work....thats all i have to say...keep going dude...may be we both become inspiration for each other ;)...what say...rest govinda likh hi chuka haiOriolehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17260034250440689195noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28543016.post-1148443069702448342006-05-24T09:27:00.000+05:302006-05-24T09:27:00.000+05:30dada shart lagaoge, yeh aapki pahli posting ho sa...dada shart lagaoge,<BR/> yeh aapki pahli posting ho sakti hai but pahli rachna nahi ho sakti,<BR/>koi pahli baar mein itna acchha likh sakta hai main nahi maan sakta.<BR/> next installment kab aa raha hai??Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28543016.post-1148441785597801372006-05-24T09:06:00.000+05:302006-05-24T09:06:00.000+05:30Nice words...Keep writing...Nice words...<BR/>Keep writing...Sabyasachi Devdutthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05626573312170255256noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28543016.post-1148413838809633952006-05-24T01:20:00.000+05:302006-05-24T01:20:00.000+05:30ek dard hei, ek pyaas hei,ye 'garal' hi sahi, par ...ek dard hei, ek pyaas hei,<BR/>ye 'garal' hi sahi, par mithhas hei,<BR/>andhera lakh baah pasare, koi aawaz bhi na de,<BR/>sawera hokar rahega, mujhe wishwaas hei.<BR/>kashmakassh se guzar rahi hei zindagi teri,<BR/>jo aaj usne tujhse nazar yun hei feri,<BR/>aansoo na bahana dost, ye keemti hein,<BR/>tere lafzon mein hi chipi hei, dastaan teri meri.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28543016.post-1148409361434117052006-05-24T00:06:00.000+05:302006-05-24T00:06:00.000+05:30abey yeh kya tha.....kuch matlab to hoga....koi in...abey yeh kya tha.....kuch matlab to hoga....koi inner meaning????<BR/>mere palle nahi padaa.....ek cetral idea do is cheez ka....God Knowshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15024787195187711802noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-28543016.post-1148408116082609932006-05-23T23:45:00.000+05:302006-05-23T23:45:00.000+05:30good stuff. keep at it!good stuff. keep at it!Animeshhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08412663541603155070noreply@blogger.com